ReCiPe.fOR.a.HaPPy.NeW.YeAR

December 27th, 2006 by choberry-emery

To leave the old with a burst of song
To recall the rights and forgive the wrong;
To forgive the thing that binds you fast
To the vain regrets of the year that’s past;

To have the strength to let go of your hold
Of the non-worthwhile of the days grown old;
To dare to go forth with a purpose true;
To the unknown task of the year that’s new

To help your brother along the road
To do his work and lift his load;
To add your gift to the world’s good cheer;
Is to have and to give a Happy New Year.

*~ Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone.
Have a jolly holiday! :)

dUa.dUNiA

November 25th, 2005 by choberry-emery

Dingin. It’s been two days now since the
temperature finally reached minus level and (still).. no snow in Amsterdam.

Dingin. Sebagai so-called imigran tropis
(dalam denotasi yang baik tentunya), suhu seperti ini tentu terasa dua kali
lipat lebih menusuk daripada mereka yang memang berasal dari negara dengan empat
musim. Dengan suhu sempurna untuk hibernasi, selimut hangat, bantal favorit dan kasur empuk,
rasanya tidur memanglah pilihan paling pas untuk mengisi hari-hari ini. Belum
lagi, nyaris semua kegiatan harian kini harus dilakukan dalam keadaan gelap
(literally, thanks to daylight savings).

This afternoon, unbeliavably tired from
having to wake up at 6 (went to sleep at 3) and be ready at the train station
by 7.30 (dengan keadaan langit gelap bak subuh di Jakarta), I found myself
looking at the world from such a different point of view. The idea struck me
while I was still snugging under my blanket earlier tonight. I cannot help but
wonder.. rasanya enak sekali bila dunia ini bisa simply dilihat sebagai dua
bagian besar: Dunia bawah selimut dan dunia luar selimut.

Aneh memang, but come to think of it.
Sederhananya, dunia bawah selimut bisa disetarakan dengan dunia mimpi, dunia
bawah sadar.. maya, di mana seseorang bisa melakukan apapun tanpa batas. Dan
sebaliknya , dunia luar selimut tentunya adalah dunia nyata yang harus kita
hadapi setiap harinya. Both are inevitably intertwined. Unfulfillment of one
world’s needs akan otomatis mempengaruhi beberapa aspek di dunia lainnya.
Contoh paling mudah bisa kita ambil bila kita kekurangan tidur.
Kurangnya tidur nyenyak (yang paling sering dialami oleh para insomniacs like
myself) – sebuah kebutuhan essensial bawah selimut – pastinya akan mempengaruhi
efektifitas kinerja seseorang dalam melaksanakan aktivitasnya, keseharian dunia
luar selimut.

Banyak orang berpendapat bahwa dunia bawah
sadar manusia berkekuatan jauh melebihi dunia nyata. It is so strong that
sometimes, we are not able to differentiate it from reality and actually think
that it’s real.. bahwa mimpi adalah suatu kenyataan. For God sake, I even found
myself crying, laughing even screaming in my sleep! Bagi mereka yang masih
memegang kuat kepercayaan elder-nya, dreams can be interpreted specifically
according to different aspects (e.g. mimpi seorang menikah, berarti akan tertimpa kesedihan, dll). Bahkan ada mitos yang mengatakan bahwa mereka
yang sudah tiada dapat berkomunikasi dengan kita melalui mimpi.

Dalam sebuah film brilian, Eternal Sunshine
of The Spotless Mind
, diperankan oleh non-other than the great Jim Carrey,
memori seseorang bahkan bisa dihapus dengan mudahnya melalui dunia mimpi.
Proses penghapusan ini dilakukan sang neurologist ketika si pasien dalam
keadaan tidak sadar.. in his deepest sleep. The process is more known as the
“lacuna infarct”.

“Lacuna” is a Latin word, basically
explained as a cavity, hollow, or dip, especially a pool or pond.
Transfiguratively, lacuna comes to mean a gap, deficiency, or loss. The term
"lacunar infarct" refers to a stroke that involves a small area of
the brain responsible for a specific function, or ever a specific memory.
Additionally, in papyrology (the study of ancient manuscripts) a lacuna is a
hole where part of the text is missing, and which can sometimes be
re-constructed.

Padahal kalau dipikir-pikir, keseharian
kita juga amat mempengaruhi mimpi. Seringkali mimpi kita ber-setting persis
dengan dunia kerja dengan segala kesibukannya. And you actually woke up,
feeling so tired out of the unconscious work you have been doing all night.
“Serasa ga tidur,” kalau diungkapkan lebih lanjut.

Jadi sebenarnya mana yang lebih benar? Satu
lebih powerful dari yang lain, atau apakah keduanya sama kuat? Nevermind.
Intinya, kita harus mencoba menyeimbangkan porsi kebutuhan kedua dunia ini as
we can’t live without both. Post ini hanyalah sebuah artikel dari seseorang
yang sedang mengantuk tapi masih kesulitan untuk actually menutup mata dan
terlelap di kedinginan 0 derajat, pukul setengah 3 pagi. I really need to get some sleep.

So long and good night…


BeInG.tWeNtY.SoMEtHinG

October 13th, 2005 by choberry-emery

Being Twenty-something - they call it the "Quarter-life Crisis. It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realising that there are many things about yourself that you didn’t know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realising that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren’t exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of themost important ones. What you don’t recognise is that they are realising that too, and aren’t really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job … and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realise that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn’t.

One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realise that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can’t meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren’t a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot don’t seem as fun.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself… and while winning the race would be great, right now you’d just like to be a contender! What you may not realise is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Pass this to your twenty-something friends… maybe it will help someone feel like they aren’t alone in their state of confusion…

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." It’s really amazing when two strangers become the best of friends, but it is really sad when the best of friends become two strangers.

CuRbSidE.PRoPhEt

June 22nd, 2005 by choberry-emery
The land of internship had simply been a different world than just a common student life. It takes a whole larger effort than I can ever imagine to survive days within the field; a lot more than merely individual capabilities or self-discpline. It requires distinct knowledge regarding your clients, a self-driven attitude, lots of patience PLUS a full time dedication towards your work. Like one’s said, "If you don’t love your job, you won’t make it". Well, at least that’s what I’ve learned so far during my 8 months stay in this hell-outta company :) I’ve simply gained stacks of valuable experiences that will eventually be something to be smiled at in the future :P

And here I am, only 6 days away from my last day. Can’t imagine how time has run fast these days. I realized that I’ve been slapped awake from my childness comfort and was compelled to replace it with an inner-elderly grown self attitude while facing others. A lot have happened, of course. Days gone by, people came and go, s*its happened. But of all that, some stayed even deeper in our hearts. It’s actually weird that after all these days.. and after how lucky I felt to *finally* be unemployed again :P I realize that I actually am gonna miss that place.. That view from the stairs, all those stupid jokes we laughed at, and on top of all.. everybody :) Anyways, I don’t intend to get mellow here :P So, I’d say that’s a wrap! Promised myself to tuck all the good memories in, throw away all the bad heartaches I’ve been through and as always, hope for a better future for all of us. C ya in a while! ;)

CoNfeSsiON.oF.A.dRAmA.QuEeN

April 20th, 2005 by choberry-emery

1. kejadian akhir2 ini gimana?
:: as fucked up as ever

2. 1 minggu ini ada yang buat loe sakit hati?
:: jd sapi perah sekaligus anak buangan cukup menyakitkan.. dikatain kurang inisiatif tapi giliran maju dimentahin juga cukup menyakitkan.. :) *senyum kering*

3. 1 minggu ini gimana ma keluarga lo?
:: told ya.. fucked up.. but we still manage to survive just yet.. at least them without me

4. 1 minggu ini hubungan sama temen2 lo?
:: hmm.. friends.. haven’t heard that term for quite some time lately..

5. 1 minggu ini kehidupan cinta lo?
:: he’s always there.. and i’m always here.. so.. :)

6. 1 minggu ini yang paling lo seneng?
:: *menerawang*

7. 1 minggu ini lo sempet benci ma orang?
:: sbnernya gw ga mau benci.. tp knp ya ada aja mahluk kya gtu? bingung gw..

…sekian dari kehidupan saya hari ini…

Me.AcHinG.HeARt

April 19th, 2005 by choberry-emery

Bd3806001I’m walking down the line

That divides me somewhere in my mind

On the border line

Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines

What’s fucked up and everything’s alright

Check my vital signs

To know I’m still alive and I walk alone

                                       
… [Green Day] …

When the wheel of life has turned upside down, twisting and twirling you up till you vomid [like probably about now].. my head usually starts to wonder to another completely pointless issue such as.. Is smoking dangerous? [talkin bout insanity.. doh!] I personally haven’t tried to smoke.. but it did cross my mind lotz of times.. especially in times like these.. pfff.. Well anyway, hell yeah it is dangerous!  But when I came to think about it over and over again.. Isn’t it just somekind of a runaway method where people tend to take when they’re fully distressed? Ok. Let’s be more specific. I just think that it’s a same self-devastating method as listening to aching mellow music after a terrible day, where you cry your heart out [and ended up in such a knocked out condition with a freakin terrible headache - as if it's been smashed with a HUGE sledge hammer] or beat yourself up till you bleed [hoping that the pain will neutralize your aching soul] Did it work? At times.. probably.. But mostly, nope..

I myself prefer to threw myself into music.. the headbanging. full of screaming ones.. or the sexy dance-licious ones where I tend to shake the f**k out of my a**, get down and dirty on the dance floor [yeah.. talkin' bout a split personality] or maybe just to C.R.Y.. In anyhows, I’m just another human being with a hollow soul.. trying to find my way back.. am just currently feeling hopeless, but it’ll pass.. soon enough..

… crossing my fingers, till that day with a brighter sun …

Me.LatE.SeLf

April 12th, 2005 by choberry-emery

Ok.. Ok.. I’m
writing!!! For those of you who’ve been asking where the hell did my posts go..
Here I am again.. Sitting behind my working desk at the office, zipping my
second mug of coffee (can’t really say cup since it’s huge! ;p), plugging my earphones on, typing a new
post for my fresh-made blog.. Just got back from a meeting with my boss and several colleagues..
Life’s actually been quite better since I met them :P hehe.. Got to
laugh more often just bcoz of some stupid spontaneus jokes (talkin’
bout blessings in disguise!! ;p)

Now where should I start? Hmm.. Been truly busy
lately with stuffs at work, all those freakin school reports (which I
purposely stacked up for the last half year.. LOL xD) AND especially this
utterly annoying visa procedure, which I need to work on to actually get back
to Holland.. *sigh*

Life back here went kinda slow. Can never expect living with ur parents might cause such inner stress (T_T) Everything’s a problem. Transportation, night hours even things that went into my mouth!!! *breathe in.. breathe out..* Am feeling so damn bored with my daily routines: home - 2 hours of traffic jam - office - another 2 hours traffic jam - home.. And don’t even start questioning my weekends >:| ZERO night life! Be at home on 10 PM or be mad at [OUCH! ><"] Me dunt wanna look back to my old dayz back in the neds.. but I can’t really help to remember how happy we were back then.. A bunch of idiots living in our somewhat-expensive-yet-comfy apartment (or should I call it a lazy nest? :P).. doing
whatever we wanna do, eating whatever we wanna eat, going anywhere we
wanna go.. no boundaries, just plenty of games, good food and MOVIEZ!! slurp! =9 Just PERFECT!! We can live our life JUST LIKE WE WANTED IT TO BE..

Ok.. now stop looking back and take a look at the bright side.. 4 months to go and PUFF!!! Hello Amsterdam!! Seriously can’t wait to have another taste of Smuller’s patatjes and Swirl’s ice cream!! (Diet my a**!!!!!! XD) Man, I’m hungry just thinking of it! LOL.. Well that’s about enuf for today.. 6 PM and still am waiting for me dad to pick me up..  Lemme see what I can write 2morrow.. Will post again soon.. Ciaoo!

v(^-^)v